It's Monday morning as I write this. The day is going to be warm, a tad humid but again something manageable. There is a slight chance of rain (15%) around 2 PM but I'll be at work then. Nice and safe in my office and Kimmie will be tucked into her safe parking spot that is reserved for motorcycles only. Protected by an old oak tree with leaves as big as my open hand.
Sounds like a perfect day to ride in.
Only I don't want to.
In fact, I've toyed with the idea of selling her.
I started this blog way back on August 23rd, 2011. I'm come a long way in that five years. I've put on a lot of miles and have undergone two nasty accidents. I've almost been hit, I've almost gone down when a animal committed suicide under my tires. I've avoid a deer so close that I could have reached out and touched it.
I've also seen wonders. Gone down country roads with a song in my heart. I've watched sunsets and sun rises through my visor. I've stretched out my arms on my bike and went "WHOSH" like a little child. I've felt like a little child. I've made new friends via riding.
So why don't I want to ride?
As we near the end of 2015 I look back and think about all the time lost due to Sue's ongoing medical issues...she is the primary motivator in my life and frankly I'm not sure what I would do without her. She does and always will come first.
Thankfully things seem to be looking up on that front. Also for most of 2014 and 2015 I've been chasing mechanical issues as many long time readers know.
So many that I've played with the idea of getting a new bike. Still though....would I ride if I did? Besides, now is not the time for a new bike. Sue's health concerns come first. Plus, I've about 3 more years to go and I'll be in a much better spot financially (both cars will be paid off in full) and then I can play with the idea of taking on new debt.
In a few minutes I'll be going to work. I will be riding Kimmie. I know that the highway is out of the question today as there was a nasty accident that has traffic backed up for miles. I know that I have to leave a little earlier than usual. I know that I will crave my Duncan Donuts coffee. I think, feel, that if I'm going to recapture that magic that I once felt I need to get back on the bike.
I need to ride more again. I also know that I have a long ride planned for Saturday, so we will see how that goes.
8 comments:
Rob,
Believe it or not, I toy with these questions all the time. I know right?! You'd think I wouldn't feel this way, but I do. As much as I enjoy everything motorcycle, I am starting to feel tired of dragging out gear, paying $1000 for insurance just to be able to ride it in nice weather, plus paying $800 for car insurance. Its expensive! Also at times I find the allure just isn't there. I almost got nailed this time last year by a car when I was coming home in foggy rainy weather in the dark. Also dealing with the leftover from the crash I had way back in 2011, lots of pain from that.
I know on those beautiful days when I lean into a curve, feel the bike float and smell the scents of the season that I love it, but there have been times when I think "Why am I doing this" particularly after a bad go in traffic and there have been more than a few close calls and that gets me thinking all over again. Maybe its because I am getting older, I dunno. But you are not alone in these thoughts.
I think every riders goes through these thoughts. I know every year I seem to ride less. Traffic annoys me and I don't want to get suited up.
I am glad things are looking up with Sue. Hugs.
I have had very similar thoughts after my almost wipe-out in 2011, when I was hit by a plywood board while riding on a highway. My injuries weren't bad but I couldn't re-bond with my bike after. This is when I bought a Vespa, and subsequently sold the Beemer. At that time I thought the scooter would be adventurous enough.
But soon after the craving started again, ending with me getting the Sportster. Still, there are times when I am tired of riding because what I really want to do is moto-traveling, not riding around the block for the umpteenth time. This year has been a great year of riding for me, next year... we'll see. So far not much motorcycling on the horizon.
You have just too much stuff to worry about right now, don't ride if it stresses you out, but keep it if you think it will give you some solace and serenity.
I tend to feel this way as the weather gets colder up where I am. It’s a combination of the challenge of riding in difficult weather. The heavier riding gear makes one feel like their an astronaut on an alien world. But that’s only part of it. It really comes down to one thing. There are less moments in the winter that make you grin as you ride.
With all that’s happening in your life that could be what’s missing from your rides as well. Take a break. Work on the things that will make you happy. When you have that peace of mind, come back to riding.
You're not alone in thinking like that. I just did the fall oil change in preparation for putting the bike up, only to realise I'd only ridden 3,000 km this year - and that was mostly local errands, back and forth to the golf club, etc. Hard to justify the expense and aggravation of having to suit up just for that. But every time I consider selling I think back to the 3 or 4 years I didn't have a bike (out of the 45 or so years I've been riding)and how miserable I was not having the option to get out, even if it was just around the block. So I decide, just one more year. And that becomes one more... and one more...
I think you need serenity and a clear head to ride successfully. I am the weirdo- I always look forward to the ride, the commute, the trip to the shops, rain or shine as long as it's above 50 degrees- so I'm not the one to give advice. But for pity's sake don't feel an obligation to ride. That's the worst reason of all. And if you get creamed you will have every reason for regret which would be awful. I'll ride for you.
I began riding and blogging in 2005 and have twice arrived at the point you have -- for me it was whether I should keep riding so much and blog at all. In both cases I just needed to walk away for awhile and see how I felt. That took some faith on my part that I just wouldn't devolve into my normal state of sloth and indolence. But in both cases I saw the rather huge, positive value blogging and riding had for me personally. All concerns or risk and such were things I could manage though I have to say I've never had a serious accident so that would have complicated the mental discussions.
I wish you the best in your search and find the right path for you.
Steve Williams
Scooter in the Sticks
Rob, lots of nice encouragement in the comments.
In the end, it's happiness we're all after. Sometimes happiness is riding, sometimes it's comfort food, usually it's our loved ones.
Hang in there. There are lots of thoughts sending good karma your way.
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