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Saturday, October 10, 2015

Back to the basics (feelings)

It's been a few weeks since I've written anything.  Sue is in a odd limbo of half treatment as the doctors decided the best course of treatment for her.

I ride back and forth to work when I can and now that the humidity has broken I find myself riding more.  Just the other day I left for work in the morning shortly after 8:30 and thought to myself that I would soon be breaking out the light sweater to wear under by summer riding jacket.  Then I realized how much my blood had thinned in the last few years.   The temperature was 75 F (23 C).  

In a odd sort of way I've found riding lets me turn off the 1001 or so thoughts that bounce around my head currently.  "What if Sue's treatment does not work?"  "What if the worst does happen?"  These are not the thoughts I thought I would be having at the age of 49.  Riding, at least for a short time, shuts those thoughts down as it becomes just the road and myself.

They creep in....but I force them down.  Part of winning is to stay positive.  We need to stay positive.

"I need to work on my curves." I think as I ride home on day, it's the same road I've ridden a thousand times before but I make a couple of bad turns on it.  Nothing serious, nothing that I can not recover from but more of a nagging suspicion "I'm better than this."

Like anything in life you want to get back to the basics, practice the fundamentals and fine tune the process.  Muscle memory is a great and wonderful thing but if you're remembering the wrong things, if you're doing just the slightest thing wrong on the most basic of affects everything thereafter.  I'm far from a perfectionist but I know how much going down hurts.

I also know that if I go down again...I'm done.   I'm not done with Kimmy yet.

So it's a lovely Saturday morning, I've got nothing planned for the day.  I gear up the way I always do; my ritual of ATTGATT.  I want a challenge and consider my secret place but then decide on the Green Swamp.   It's been a long time since I've ridden those roads and I'm curious to see if anything has changed.

My only concern is cracking in the front tire, but I shake off that concern.  The tread is good and although I need to replace it eventually, I did not see any air bubble the last time I washed my bike.  I'm also a little concerned about the CVT belt, Kimmie has over 25 thousand on her now and I'm not sure how much more belt life she has left.  But I force those concerns aside and stay positive.

I sit down on the bike...and it doesn't feel right.  I've a nagging suspension, a question in the back on my mind.  Again I check the tires, the brakes and run through the list...yet I can't shake that feeling.

If riding has taught me's to listen.

I ride the bike out and about town for a bit, taking it easy.   Trying to put that unease into the back of my mind or find a rational feeling for it.   I can't.

So here I am at home going over everything with a fine tooth comb and thinking that maybe I should get that tire replaced after all because of this odd feeling.  So there is no riding, no travel, no adventure for me this day.

Perhaps tomorrow.  


SonjaM said...

Good call, Robert. It is always good to listen to your inner voice. There is a time for adventure, and there is a time to stay put. Better get that tire looked after.

I hope that the medics will find the right treatment for Sue. All you can do right now is staying strong for her.

Unknown said...

I think all riders have a ‘spider sense’. I’ve learned to listen to mine. Our conscious awareness of our reality is sometimes blind. We look, but we don’t see. Seeing takes comprehension, and that may take inputed data to be crunched. Our subconscious does that better than our waking awareness. I often tell my students to give themselves time to sleep on ideas., or to walk away when you hit a creative roadblock and think about, or do things that have nothing to do with what they are doing.

If you do that you allow yourself to take a fresh look at things when you return. A second look may allow you to ‘see’ what you couldn’t before.

Change that tire, or anything else that’s bothering you. State of mind affects everything when you ride, from safety, to security, to the joy of riding.

Dar said...

Always best to listen to the nagging feelings, there are reasons beyond our comprehension, when we second guess doing something. Good call. I am sending you good wishes and prayers for Susan.

Trobairitz said...

Always good to listen to your gut. When it doesn't feel right, stay off the machine. People get into trouble when they don't listen to the voice.

Hopefully the treatment will work out for Susan and in hindsight many years from now this will be but a hiccup in the overall scheme of things.

Conchscooter said...

It sounds like you have good reason for unease- your tire is DANGEROUS when cracking. Your belt has got to be overdue. You are needed at home intact. Don't ride until you sort the bike out. ATTGATT is invalid when basic maintenance is ignored. My Vespa is in the shop getting belt, tires, air filter and brake pads, because Jiri saw the pads were worn and he knows me - if its worn replace it and he repalced the brake fluid at the same time. Good man.
I don't have money to spare these days but 8 hours OT this week and 8 next week will get me a fresh Vespa that will safely ride 60+ on my commute. My ET4 is 11 years old with 25,000 miles and I keep it maintained. You have to do the same. Please.

Deb said...

Better safe than sorry and sometimes it's just best to stay home and attend to other things.

Hope everything works out for her and that your world settles down a bit to some peace and quiet and relief.