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Thursday, November 17, 2016

two roads diverged in a yellow wood

I'm out on Kimmie, it been a bit due to a head cold that I can not seem to shake.  It's a lovely day, perfect for riding and I've no destination in mind.  

I let here choose the route through the back streets and country roads, I've got a lot on my mind lately and I'm hoping the simple act of riding, of having to pay attention to the road ahead of me will silence the competing thoughts in my head.

The Sena plays some older jazz from the 50's and early 60's in my headset, Cannonball Adderley's quintet hums in my ears as Kimmy eats up the miles.  I'm lost but I'm not worried, the phone is charged and my GPS can get me home.  I have a rough idea of where I'm at, a blue dot superimposed on the map in my brain.

I come to a fork in the road, and stop.

One road is paved, it appears to be well traveled and more or less smooth.  The other, well it's paved as well but appears to be less traveled, more of a paved dirt path than anything.  

Robert Frost's poem leaps to the forefront of my brain and I sit there for a moment, torn by direction.  I'm facing this very same issue in my professional life. 

I like my job, I like the people I work with and am in year number 3 of doing it.   However I expected a bit more from it, I was over promised some things.  While I've learned a lot and have accepted new responsibilities and such it also occurs to me that for a variety of reasons I'm not going to advance beyond my current standing.  This has less to do with my ability and everything to do with how the upper management thinks and operates.

Recently I've seen managers step down or even resign their positions do to the manipulations of upper management. 

I turned off the music, removed my helmet and shut Kimmie down.  I got off the bike and stretched.  What a sight I must of been to the lonely cows as I thought to myself in the middle of the road in the middle of nowhere. 

I have two choices. At 50 years old I have to start thinking about my retirement, my future and other things and even though I've been preparing for this since I first started working all those years ago, I'm also hurting.  I'm not where I need to be.   The great depression cost me greatly, and even lead to me leaving the financial and insurance field for about 7 years because I was sick of it. 

Even though I've recovered somewhat, I'm not where I want to be financially.  

A few months ago a former boss of mine started his own company and I've joined him, not in any official paid capacity but I've been willing to help him where I could part time.  It's been slower than either of us would like as we build something new. 

It occurs to me that I really don't know much about marketing as I try to build something for myself.  As I put ads in the local papers and hang flyers.  As I arrange to give talks at churches, senior centers and health fairs.  It's not costing me much but it's not making me any money currently either.

About the same time I was offered a chance to do more or less the same thing with an existing organization part time.  I could still work my current job till my feet are under me and, once I establish myself, leave my current employer.  It's well established, it has the support structure that I feel I need at this time.

Being established, I should start to make some money quicker with this option than the other.  However it's still a uphill climb and I may not have as much freedom to pursue what interests me in the field.  

The path I took was to go with my former boss, however I see now that may have been an error.  It's nothing he did or I did but more of a difference in goals and desires.   I'm looking down the road trying to see 6 months into the future...and I'm not sure if option A is the right choice.

Option B is still open, and truth be told it's not a "either or" situation.   Their are other options, other paths that are open to me.   All however, much like riding my beloved Kimmy, are fraught with dangers...and rewards.  

Financial sales, like riding a motorcycle, is a learned skill set.  You try to mitigate the dangers, you try to be as safe and secure as you can...but the world always has a surprise.  How you react to that surprise is what matters.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood" I mumble to myself as I place my helmet on and turn Kimmie around, going back the way I came...going home. 

I see no reason why I can not take both paths for a bit, eventually I will have to choose but not at this moment, not at this time.  Other roads are open to me and worth exploring as well...the world is full of possibilities.

1 comment:

Trobairitz said...

It sounds as though you know what you want it is just finding the way to get there. Nothing wrong with taking both roads for a while, think of it as a wee dual sport adventure.