To Leave or to Stay

These past couple of months have been interesting to say the least.

The talk about me getting a new bike is settled for now (I will be buying a new bike by year's end).  A new dilemma has reared its ugly head in our family and is one, which while not consuming us, has certainly kept us awake at night.

Should we stay here in Florida, or head back home to Pittsburgh?

This all has to do with family.

The lovely Susan has family there, so do I, but her mother is starting to show signs of Alzheimer's disease.  Sue is the oldest child of five and it seems, the only one with not only the ability but the desire to help her mother.

Then their is my family.  My father is in his mid 80's and has two benign tumors in his head.  My mother, 10 years his junior, is capable of taking care of herself but she can't drive and is showing signs of dementia.  Unlike Sue's mom, she has not been tested but the signs of the two illnesses are similar, and my brother can not take my mother in for a variety of reasons.

Both of them will refuse to move to Florida.  Sue's mother is rooted to her home in Grove City, PA (about an hour north of Pittsburgh) and my mother will not leave her only granddaughter.  My father, always the stoic, knows that the best care he can get is in Pittsburgh.  It makes sense for him to stay.

We are faced with some startling realities. 

1)  Our parents are not immortal.  No matter how much we with they were.

2)  I have lost two aunts to Alzheimer's in the last 3 years.  Now my mother is showing signs of it or dementia.  This scares the hell out of me.

3)  Susan's medical issues can be better served in the cool of Pennsylvania, as the excessive heat in Florida can effect her more than we like.

It does bring up a good question though about what is home.   Sue's family is rooted to the area, she is too...even though she moved 1000 plus miles to be with me.  My brother feels the same way.  Although my parents have moved and traveled a lot since retirement, they still call Western Pennsylvania home. 

I love Pittsburgh, it's rivers run in my veins and I do like going back to it.  I've written about it before.  It is really a great place to live.  I remember reading somewhere that if Pittsburgh was a European city, people would flock to it.

However home for me is wherever I've hung my hat.  I've lived in Tampa for over 10 years, in Charlotte, North Carolina for over 10 years.   Charleston, South Carolina for a bit.  Savannah, GA for a bit.  I've considered taking a job in Jacksonville/St. Augustine, Florida at one time (and in hindsight, I should have but that's in the past).   I was also offered a job in Boise, ID early in my career. 

Pittsburgh may always be "home", but somewhere along the way, it stopped being "home."

I've been halfway around the world and am serious planning on retiring to Portugal if Sue and I ever break up or she dies before me.   I'm not joking.   I've looked into it.

Jack Kerouac must have influenced me more than I thought he did.   Jean Genet too but for completely different reasons.  I remember a friend of mine - Matt the Muppet - handing me that book when I was in my 20's.   "This book will fuck up your life."   To the young philosophy minded education major, it did.    But I regress.

So here I sit, a still young man that can not imagine himself being 52, considering what he will do.  Considering yet another career change and wondering if a move would be helpful at all.   I'm not sure if I could even find another job paying what I make now.  Nor am I sure I wish too.

When my grandparents passed, I was still a young man.  I didn't understand what my parents (who were my age) were going through.  What they were feeling.   Now I face the same choices, the same decisions that they did.  It's not easy. 

The reality of it is starting to sink in.

That itch

So it's a lovely Saturday.

"Where's your riding gear?" Craig asks.

Truthfully I had considered it.  I don't have a helmet but I'm sure the dealership would have let me barrow one, or even thrown it in as part of the package if I was serious about buying.

I won't lie, I had the itch.

In fact, I've had the itch for a while now.   It was always there.  I would be driving somewhere and see a group of bikers heading out somewhere.   I would sometimes see a bike for sale on the side of the road, or in a dealership somewhere.  It really started to itch badly when I saw advertisements for the 2018 DGR!  It may have been one of the best moments in my motorcycling life...and I wanted to do it again.

The Triumph dealership did have a street twin that seemed to be calling my name.   Nice and neat with that classic look that I love so much.

Tempted?  Yes, very much so.

They actually had a 2017 on the lot that was still under warranty and the previous owner had switched it over to half pipes and did something else I don't remember to the exhaust.   The bike had a low, throaty growl to it that sounded deep and resonate.  "That" a random women said to me, "sounds like a motorcycle" and I knew exactly what she meant.

Frankly if the salesman had not pushed so hard, I may have signed some paperwork right then or; at least taken a test ride.

At 900 cc and a high torque engine however, I could see myself getting into trouble quickly on that bike.   I hate to admit but I like some speed.  I may have been a little to "quick" for my own good on the scooters...so I worried about that...and I know deep down that I would be a hell of a lot more careful.

Plus, even though I learned to ride on a standard transmission motorcycle.  I never fully felt comfortable in shifting.  When I rode a friend's bike here and there, I never really felt that I mastered shifting...so that was one reason why I switched to, and preferred scooters.  That was one less thing to worry about.

Sue and I are talking, and she seems more interested in getting a bike than I am.  The Harley Dealership next door had a lovely 35K trike with all the fixings.   That is more than I paid for my car, and it was brand new.  She would like me to get something like that and again feels that it would be safer.

In a way she is right.  Plus I know that with all her medical issues, the days of her climbing on back and just riding with me are slim to none.  She knows that too, so a trike may be better overall choice.

Now...can we find one that's affordable?

It all started with a dinner party

It all started at a dinner party with friends on a Saturday.   Craig, my Harley Davidson Road King owning friend was all excited about a new Triumph he was thinking about buying, it's an all-black softail.  He talked it up like the second coming, and frankly I'm happy for him, its been a long time since I've seen him excited about anything.  He deserves a new bike...and he wanted me to go with him when he picked it up this coming Saturday.

"You can buy an new bike for yourself Rob."

When I'm asked, and I am asked, if I miss riding...the answer is always "Sometimes."

I don't miss sitting in traffic on the way home, of being hot or being rained on, paying insurance on the bike, having to deal with dumb questions and stupid people on the roads.  The eternal bane of working on a bike.

I do miss the friendship you have with other bikers.  I do miss the joy of riding.  I do miss the "de-stressing" that a good ride can bring after a stressful day like today was.   It does pain me to see a group of bikers heading in some direction towards some adventure.

"You have had a lot of adventures, I like hearing your stories." Melissa, a friend of mine said.

The recent advertisements for the Distinguished Gentleman's Ride I've been seeing on Facebook and YouTube have got me wanting to get back on a bike.  The ride I took part of in 2016 was one of the greatest rides I've ever been on.   Recently riding has been on my mind.

When I got my license renewed recently...I debated about leaving the motorcycle endorsement on it.  I paid the extra few bucks and did leave it on.

Then here I am, sitting at work...casually type in "Burgman for sale in Tampa."  I found one.  It's three years old but was used as a demo only and never really ridden much.

The dealership has it under priced probably, wanting to get it off the floor (it's about 3K under similar bikes).   It's got the ABS and comes with the Executive package.  It's only a 1 to 2 hour drive from where I am depending on traffic and conditions.

I do some quick math...I can make a payment work.

Now it becomes a matter of "Do I really want to it on one again" or not.  Susan would like me to buy a trike if I buy anything; feeling that they are more stable.   Well my strength in my wrists have come back, I still have some pain in my right one nearly two years later.

Although my independent agency has not taken off like I have hoped.   I ended up going back to work for a steady paycheck...and it's not at the rate I should be making.  I've actually considered leaving the field recently although I'm not sure what else I can/would do.

I make excuses.

Then I close my eyes and think back...sure most of the memories are rose colored.   Then I kept the blog up for 5 1/2 years, trying to write something once a week...enjoying that, having adventures.   When the accident happened, I was finally starting to feel like part of the community.  I was finally feeling like a "biker" whatever the hell that meant.  To return to that....well I would enjoy that.

I can drive over to Deland after work, I can apply for the financing online.   I can have everything done by the weekend...pick it up on a Saturday and be home about 2/12 to 3 hours later...because you can never ride a straight line on a bike.

Maybe....maybe.

Than again...maybe not.  I read what I wrote a few days after the accident.  Remember what Susan told me, remember that I went into shock and spent a miserable night at a hospital.  Even though I was well insured (it is my business after all), I still had sticker shock at the final bill.

I still keep the Scooter Revolution Facebook page up.   Sometimes posting a story or cute little video I come across.   Sometimes I still comment on bike pages I follow or a blog I read.

Am I ready? 

I've found a Kymco 500, Kimmi's twin sister (Regina?), at a better price and a brand new model at that.   I've looked at a very affordable MP3, While I've considered it...I keep talking myself out of it.

If their is any doubt should I be on a bike?  A bike is designed to be ridden and not placed in a garage.